Exchanging disappointment for hope
Yesterday I posted on seeing the stalker. Well I own up that it wasn’t him. PTSD is a terrible thing and I was triggered by objects that reminded me. I apologise for my error. I acknowledge that PTSD is a cruel illness because our minds can trick us into seeing things because of our trauma.
No I won’t castigate myself. I will simply do my best to avois thinking about stalking all the time and try to find a different route through my day.
Sadly today it has started again. If anyone reading this is in the same position, I understand. The world of a stalking victim is like a cul de sac. One minute you think you are free then the next you are back in the same rat-run.
Being watched and followed is horrible and I will not be destroyed by this. I will keep fighting on, keep speaking up. Because behaving like this is illegal.
I do not feel guilty. I do admittedly want justice to be done, because I want this to stop.
It is important to share about this horrific subject. Thanks readers because you reading this means someone out there cares.
I have redefined PTSD to the above. Memories of you are everywhere. I chose not to go to certain places because you might be there, because they remind me of you. And it is so hard to live a life like this.
Stalking survivors are wounded survivors, battling to walk on. They have come through immense psychological pain. I congratulate myself and others that I have survived such horror.
You are still free to live your life. I perhaps am not quite as free, but I am working on it. Each day I feel a little better and yes you have quietened down and I am grateful for the respite for now at least.
I choose to forgive you. I choose not to be bitter. And I choose, even if I am limping along somewhat, to live my best life. I choose to be free.
Dear followers
I know you have been cheering me on and thank you. Justice has been done through the relevant powers. More justice is I hope on its way.
It is important however hard to raise our voices and make a stand. It is important that those of us who have suffered abuse and/or violence, whether physical or psychological, to stand up and be counted.
And it is important to never never never never never give up as the great Winston Churchill would say.
Thanks for reading my words.
I want to say that justice is being done in a rather unexpected way. The legal system is doing it’s thing.
However I would also like to write that I choose to forgive. I choose to let go and I choose to move forward. That is how my justice will come-to rebuild a life which does have a future in it.
So I am safely away from you. I am safely away from your eyes, although you are still in my head, like a buzzing fly. I know you are still ruminating over what happened. And so am I. The problem is with having been stalked, one wonders whether it will ever go away-in my mind in yours?
I write these secrets knowing you might read them, as will others, but somehow they need to be shared. Part of the reason is that stalking burns people’s lives down, like you did to me. And I have no comeback, other than to write about it.
But I just want to say that I choose to forgive you (and Myself). So if you ever happen to stumble upon this, I want you to know that.
I rang the Samaritans today and cried. I think the stalking has stopped but it makes no difference. My life is totally destroyed
One person has wreaked havoc. It hurts so much.
No-one ever reads my posts so I can write what I like.
A heavy weight of pain sits in my stomach.
I feel like a koala with all its fur burnt off.
Yay. So now I need to start to rebuild my smashed up life. Before I met my stalker I had a good career, an amazing flat and a lovely life.
Now I am moving in with my parents because I can’t work full time and I am giving up my beautiful flat
And I have PTSD
How destructive one human can be to another in less than 6 months. Unbelievable!
For the first time in months I feel as if I am going forward. I am slowly starting to rebuild my life.
Advice to women being stalked keep speaking out. Be brave and forgive the perpetrator.
So today I did not see him. However I know this is unusual. I spend most of my time thinking about his next move.
I wonder if this is how gazelles feel regarding leopards or lions?
Stalking makes me feel like someone’s prey.
