I recently attended a Trauma Summit in Belfast and was thrilled to hear about the new diagnosis of complex PTSD. So many people are suffering out there and at least this is now acknowledged in the ICD classifications, although sadly not yet under DSM.

I myself have suffered extreme trauma and have battled depression for years. If anyone reading this feels the same, please don’t give up. For all who have suffered trauma, life may be very tough and for me sometimes I have wanted to opt out.

However I have battled on and am hoping that I can reach out to others, having faced such deep pain myself. I find that reaching out to someone else doesn’t make it all better, rather it just makes it a little bit less hopeless and hopefully helps someone else along the way.





Today I have had one of the worst experiences ever at an airport. Because my precious toiletries did not fit in a bag which could be sealed up, the man who I think rejoiced in the anguish and emotional distress he was causing as he told me to throw some away.

How can this be OK? I am sitting on an aircraft totally subsumed and traumatised by this experience. I want my toiletries back. I want to get off this dreadful crowded plane.

Flying is awful. People are herded like cattle and their possessions are treated like rubbish. I feel I have been treated like rubbish. I want my toiletries back and there is nothing that can be done!!





The broken ones

I have been reflecting in the reasons why male suicide is at epidemic proportions in the UK and rough sleeping also, again most are men.

Why is this happening? I feel that many men have lost their way and don’t know how to reach out. Feminism has done a great deal for women and I wonder if men have been left behind.

I read an article today about Johnny Depp, who is in my view a prime example of a man who has lost his way, drinking vodka for breakfast, hugely in debt and having gone through a heart breaking divorce.

So what can be done? I feel that connection could be one way forward. Just reaching out to a rough sleeper by talking to them might make a massive difference to their day and could even save a life.

In our busy lives, taking time to meet up with someone rather than Facebooking or texting them could also make a difference.

Human connection is a beautiful thing and maybe this could help men who are really struggling.

I believe we can also do our part to help address the male suicide rate and perhaps connecting with men in a different way such as asking if they are OK and would like to meet up, could be one small step forward.


I am writing this because I love the word ‘broken’. There is somewhat of a negative connotation about this word, however I view it in a completely different light.

I am in the process of writing a book based on the wonderful work of two writers. The first is ‘The Broken Way’ by Ann Voskamp and the second is ‘The Way of Blessing’ by Roy Godwin. These books have made a massive impact upon me and I will share why.

‘Givenness is a risk. The only way to abundant life is the broken way of risk.’ Ann Voskamp ‘The Broken Way’

‘The Broken Way’ made sense of my own suffering and has helped me to carry on. I am basing this upon the concepts she shares as a pain poetess. I would highly  recommend reading her book. I also acknowledge and honour the book ‘The Way of Blessing’ by Roy Godwin , which inspired me to offer a prayer of blessing rather than preach at people.

So I would like to start at the very beginning-my beginning. My mum and I were homeless, in the sense of not having a permanent home, during my formative years, staying in a variety of temporary settings, such as a caravan and an annexe in someone’s garden. My father was studying, so wasn’t around very much. He was only a boy of twenty one at the time.

I grew up and battled depression for many years. I gradually developed a concern for others like me who were ‘broken ones’. I decided to try to reach out and connect with them and this started by going out and speaking to pavement dwellers as I prefer to call them because I do not like the term ‘homeless’ because it implied less than other people by not having something others have. Everyone has a home, sadly some people’s homes are the streets, unless of course that is because of choice.

I am also very concerned about the male suicide rate which is the biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK. Tragically, my own grandmother ended her life at a relatively young age, so I am very stirred up by this issue. Glenn Poole has spoken of a societal responsibility towards suicide, so as I am a member of society, I decided to do what I can in a small way to try to reach out to others.

I write this purely to encourage that-reaching out to try to connect. We never know what others may be going through and one small act of kindness could possibly save a life. And I would encourage anyone reading this who may be worried about someone to have that conversation and ask if they are ok. If anyone reading this is in trouble, then please ask for help.

There was a wonderful storyline on a show called ‘Coronation Street’ in the UK recently, when a man named Aidan Connors took his life. This highlighted the issue of male vulnerability and I state here that it is good for men to show their emotions and yes even have a good cry! And if you are a man reading this and feel sad and alone, there are organisations such as The Samaritans which offer 24/7 support via the phone and also a text service.

I want to start a debate on being a broken human. There is so much emphasis on success and perhaps this is making many people  feel they may have failed or just can’t live up to the Facebook ideal of hundreds of friends and a perfect sanitised life.

Thank you for reading this-please keep recahing out to others.

Hope X

Good Friday 2017

Myself (Hope), my mum and Sue

First we met Sid who was outside the Baptist church. He had laid all his clothes out and was transferring them from his suitcase into a lovely rucksack he had been given. Sid took a ‘To Kill a Mockingbird book’ and some socks. Later he asked for some food for his dog. We bought a can. We also gave him some water.

We then met Mark who also had a dog. Mark’s eyes literally lit up when we gave him the Easter egg. He said that he hadn’t had one for years. He didn’t want a book, as he already had one.

We then drove to  to look for more people. We met Steve in a doorway who we also saw at New Year. He now has a tent but people have found out where this is, so he is going to move. He said he had tried to volunteer in a charity shop but when he told them his address was care of the Job Centre, they weren’t interested. He took an Easter egg and a calendar showing beautiful pictures of England and said this brought back memories. He also accepted a wind up radio and some poems. He said he still had the card I gave him. He said someone had stolen medication from him.

It was encouraging that there were only three men this time. I went to look in Westgate but couldn’t find anyone there.

All three men accepted a prayer of blessing.

The message from the streets is that people don’t just want a sandwich, or money thrown at them. They have a physical and spiritual hunger and long for more than their current circumstances.







Public shaming

Yesterday I was walking behind some people and I overheard their conversation, about people who have been publicly shamed. Apparently there is a book on this topic.

Which got me to thinking about this. Monica lewinsky is an example of someone who was publicly pilloried and this affected her for years. Being human means we are none of us perfect and all of us have made mistakes. I have made many.

I think we need to be careful of shaming others. The opposite of shame is honour so perhaps publicly honouring those who have made terrible mistakes and then rectified them, like Monica, would be a good place to start. We are possibly becoming an social media society akin to ‘Lord of The Flies’ and I wonder if this is why so many men are taking their lives-perhaps they feel ashamed of who they are and what they have done.

I am not condoning wrongdoing but rather the reaction to this which I feel can be extreme and sadly have extreme consequences for those experiencing this. So today I honour Monica Lewinsky for the life she has lived and the courage she has shown in the aftermath of a mistake.

Exchanging Disappointment For Hope

This is my first post, so please bear with me. I am starting this blog as a follow-on from a website called Hope 2017 which was on Facebook. The reason for this site is to get a debate started about male suicide, because 12 a day ain’t okay! We need to speak about why so many men are ending their lives on a daily basis and I also want to encourage people reading this to reach out to one another.

It is ok for men to feel emotion and to have a good cry, as it is for us all. The depiction of Aidan Connor ending his life was extremely powerful and thank you to ‘Coronation Street’ and Shayne Ward for depicting this tragedy.

If anyone is redaing this and is in despair, please tell someone. The Samaritans are a fabulous organisation if you want to speak to someone and you can text or email too. If you need help, please see a doctor or speak to a friend. There are too many suicides and I am not sure why men in particular are finding it too hard to carry on, but I wonder if some of these tragic statistics are because people just feel alone and desolate.

This is my first go and I hope some people connect with it. I will post more soon.

Keep fighting on and reaching out everyone

Hope x